Being Available
No matter how I try to get around it, I cannot be fully available to someone else without doing at least two things. I need to overcome my fear. I need to sacrifice myself.
I like talking with people, but I find it hard to be fully available even in conversation.To be fully available in conversation, I need to overcome my fear. I need to overcome my fear of inadequacy - of revealing my inadequacy through my stories; of being unable to respond adequately to something the other person reveals. I need to overcome my fear of drawing closer to others - will they think I am coming on too strong, will this lead to a relationship that sucks up more time and energy than I want to give, where I have to give a whole lot more than I get. I need to overcome my fear of losing my freedom. Will being fully available now lead to a situation that limits my options to relate to other people, do other things?
To be fully available in conversation, I need to sacrifice my desire to serve myself. I generally serve myself in two ways. First, I allow myself to be distracted. I am distracted by other people - people having conversations around me; people I want to talk to later, who might leave any second. I am distracted by the time. When the conversation goes beyond the time I am comfortable spending, I lose my focus. I am distracted by the person in front of me - unusual features or habits; feminine attributes (I am a guy who is embarrassingly easily distracted this way). Second, I manipulate the conversation to create opportunities make my story significant in the eyes of the other person rather than allow the other person's story to be significant to me.
The more I think about it, being available requires an all-out effort on my part. Yes, being available means being handy, accessible; being fully present and ready to serve. But being accessible is only the first step. Being available also implies being willing and able to serve. To be truly available to another person, it must be my heart's desire to serve, to do good for the sake of that person. Furthermore, out of my desire to serve, I need to take steps beforehand to build myself up and and be built up by others for works of service (see Ephesians 6:12-13). By being built up, I will be better suited for someone to avail themselves of any good works I am willing to do on their behalf.
I like talking with people, but I find it hard to be fully available even in conversation.To be fully available in conversation, I need to overcome my fear. I need to overcome my fear of inadequacy - of revealing my inadequacy through my stories; of being unable to respond adequately to something the other person reveals. I need to overcome my fear of drawing closer to others - will they think I am coming on too strong, will this lead to a relationship that sucks up more time and energy than I want to give, where I have to give a whole lot more than I get. I need to overcome my fear of losing my freedom. Will being fully available now lead to a situation that limits my options to relate to other people, do other things?
To be fully available in conversation, I need to sacrifice my desire to serve myself. I generally serve myself in two ways. First, I allow myself to be distracted. I am distracted by other people - people having conversations around me; people I want to talk to later, who might leave any second. I am distracted by the time. When the conversation goes beyond the time I am comfortable spending, I lose my focus. I am distracted by the person in front of me - unusual features or habits; feminine attributes (I am a guy who is embarrassingly easily distracted this way). Second, I manipulate the conversation to create opportunities make my story significant in the eyes of the other person rather than allow the other person's story to be significant to me.
The more I think about it, being available requires an all-out effort on my part. Yes, being available means being handy, accessible; being fully present and ready to serve. But being accessible is only the first step. Being available also implies being willing and able to serve. To be truly available to another person, it must be my heart's desire to serve, to do good for the sake of that person. Furthermore, out of my desire to serve, I need to take steps beforehand to build myself up and and be built up by others for works of service (see Ephesians 6:12-13). By being built up, I will be better suited for someone to avail themselves of any good works I am willing to do on their behalf.
posted by wasabi at 7:39 AM
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